IntenseDebate - BrandyPunch

9 years ago @ The Toast - Movie Yelling With Shr... · 1 reply · +33 points

I heard that a lot of the Warboy extras were local Namibian teenagers. So you totally can't tell!

9 years ago @ The Toast - Wednesday Open Thread · 0 replies · +1 points

I didn't see "Jupiter Ascending," but every review was united in calling it overstuffed and overcomplicated, even the positive reviews.

Fury Road, (which I saw and loved) is over *the top*, but brutally lean and fast, with streamlined, elegant storytelling and almost no exposition. It's also generally agreed to be a technically exceptional film, with fantastic pacing, cinematography and practical effects (one major class of people who hated JA but loved FR: film critics).

So if you disliked Jupiter Ascending because it was kind of an awesome mess, you should know that Fury Road has its stuff thoroughly in gear. If you were put off by the wildness of the world-building, you should know that Fury Road's world building is extremely wild.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Reclaiming Manhood: De... · 0 replies · +8 points

Maybe across body and personality types, but I'm going to make a bold statement. It is not evenly distributed across the socio-economic spectrum.

The dude who has lots of money and power but is not secure in his masculinity is reliably dangerous.

(nb, secure in his masculinity does not mean masculine.)

9 years ago @ The Toast - Raising the Tone: Etiq... · 1 reply · +4 points

Bedbugs are a plague, and when my neighbor had them my mother briefly disowned me. I took no visitors who were unable to take off all their clothes at the door. It was a fun time!

My bedbug summer aside, I have a PSA. Do not put your coats and bags on any bed, ever. Especially hotel beds. But also don't host parties and throw all the purses etc. in your bedroom. Find a closet or a rack for that stuff. People will get crazy and suspicious about bedbugs, and then fail to take the most basic and useful precaution, providing convenient bed-to-bed transportation for tiny monsters that want to torture us. Luggage stands, my friends!

9 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup · 0 replies · +1 points

I use the shift key, but I'm going to see if I can train myself to use caps lock instead, because holding the shift key with my little finger is incredible aggravating to my ulnar tunnel.

I did it on this sentence, oh my god was it hard.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Dating Tips For Shor... · 1 reply · +21 points

I'm not fat, but I'd also stay away from any dude who wrote "no fatties."

I wish ALL assholes advertised themselves that blatantly!

p.s. A 6'4 friend of mine noticed he started getting a lot of messages/attention from totally incompatible women once the income on his dating profile went up above a certain level- women who didn't have anything in common with him. That's pretty much the definition of shallow.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is I... · 0 replies · +18 points

Believe me, if I heard a story about a woman pushing her male partner constantly into sexual situations (non-monogamy or whatever) that he didn't want to be in w/o paying attention to his sexual needs, I'd be just as critical.

I know because there have been such stories in my social circle, and I've been super super super critical.

The main gendered thing here is tired mom/dad who isn't helping enough. His attitude is what's pushing this to the next level of gross. The kink is kind of a distraction, really.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is I... · 0 replies · +10 points

I feel like his wife is one of those pathological givers- she gives and gives and gives and can get resentful when she doesn't get the same kind of free spontaneous giving in return. That can be a frustrating type, but they can be total gems if you know how to interact with them.

I don't know if there's a good side to OP's personality. He's just not paying attention to what she wants at all until she snaps.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is I... · 0 replies · +35 points

It's not that he didn't have an opening paragraph describing how he negotiated kink. It's that he literally showed zero awareness of her as a person who had needs OR desires. And I don't believe there was anything in my comment that gendered kink as male and non-kink as female. I'm assuming that wife was pretty kinky when the relationship started, but like I said, when your partner makes sex a chore, you stop wanting it- no matter what kind of sex it is. I think his behavior has murdered her kinky and her non kinky libido.

And the parallel you've come up with isn't really accurate. It'd be more like "We used to have a great sex life! My wife gave me blow jobs all the time! After the baby, I'm only getting blow jobs three times a week, and she seems to feel like it's a chore. I now have an overwhelming desire to do anal, and my wife says she won't give it to me. Should I divorce her?"

Believe me, hypothetical blowjob king would have gotten an even bigger reaming from me, and probably harsher treatment from the doc as well.

9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is I... · 29 replies · +112 points

Does anyone else get the sense that this sexual incompatibility might have been partially, or even mostly, created by OP's pushiness?

Nowhere in his entire letter does he mention what turns his wife on. There's no sense of give and take. Instead, they had a great sex life on his terms. Then they had a kid, and it slowed down- to several times a week of fisting, bondage and anal (!). OP senses that his wife is starting to view sex as a chore. But instead of trying to figure out how to make sex a fun thing for both of them instead of a chore she does on his behalf, he makes MORE demands. They go to a frickin' resort to explore HIS desires. I mean, she's a new mother. If you don't want her stuck in continual provider/mommy mode maybe consider either giving her a break or exploring HER desires?

No wonder she snapped. She's had three years of what sounds like all give and no take. And instead of having her partner match her efforts in taking care of her, all he does is up his asks.

If I had a partner like that, I wouldn't just go off kinky sex. I'd go off sex altogether.

I guess OP could go ahead and get a divorce. Sure. Fine. Don't stick around if you can't go the distance. But he needs to acknowledge what he's done here.

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