God I hope not. But I better find myself a new place to sleep just in case.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOOOOD BYE CRUEL WOOOOORLLLDDD, HELLLOOOOO SWEEET RELEASE!!!!

Like you're such a prize.

ASL?

What does my significant other do that makes me want to set meowing cities afire? She follows me around constantly in my own meowing home, taking meowing photographs of me that she later posts online. All I want is some time alone!

Just the other day I was flipping through a book authored by Christopher Hitchens (shortly before I clawed it to shreds and used it as kitty litter), when I stumbled upon a quote that I identified with all too much:

“In a place with absolutely no private or personal life, with the incessant worship of a mediocre career-sadist as the only culture, where all citizens are the permanent property of the state, the highest form of pointlessness has been achieved.”

I have to admit, I broke down into tears for a few minutes before I returned to licking the patch of fur where my balls once resided.

I mean, seriously woman, I give you all the meowing space you need! Did I ask any questions when all that horrible screeching, yelling and hissing used to emanate from the basement on a near daily basis? Meow no! I minded my own meowing business. Sure, I was scared for my ninth life, starting to believe I was living with a feline obsessed version of Josef Fritzl, but I'm kind of meowing helpless here!

Look, I still love you and shit. But seriously, stop embarrassing me in front of your goofy Internet friends.

Meow, who knows? But at least this woman has the common meow courtesy not to put a picture of her cat doing it on a meow blog for the entire meow world to see.