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13 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - Musings on feminism an... · 4 replies · +1 points

I think the issue for many of us is that each individual woman who takes her husband's last name will describe totally feminist reasons for doing so: "I never liked my last name," "He was the last person in his family with that name," "I wanted a symbol of us becoming a family." And yet somehow, 90% of the time, the woman takes the man's last name. (And that doesn't even count the ones that hyphenate.) One would assume that men are as likely as women not to like their last names, or to marry someone who is the last one with a particular name, or to want an obvious symbol of becoming a family. Yet the percentage of men taking their wives' last names or even hyphenating is so small that it is difficult even to find statistics on it.

So yes, I respect an individual woman's right to change her name, and an individual man's right not to. But at some point, I start wondering how "voluntary" the choice really is, when one gender overwhelmingly makes a choice that the other rarely even considers.

13 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - Let's talk about label... · 0 replies · +1 points

Can I just say that I would actively prefer if this site were "Offbeat Wedding" rather than "Offbeat Bride"? Yes, it's true that bride face special social pressures that grooms typically escape. However, having almost every wedding planning site out there, including this one, describe itself as for brides adds to this pressure rather than subtracting from it. The message is that no matter how "Offbeat" the wedding is, it's still the woman's responsibility to do all the planning. Being suspended by hooks through your chest while having your wedding is apparently less taboo than having the groom picking out the table linens.

Ok, so that was a little off-topic. I really appreciate having a lesbian weddings tag as a form of shorthand, so long as it is based on self-identification, even though it is not perfect. (If two bi women get married, is that a lesbian wedding or a bi wedding?) There are some special issues that lesbians face in planning a wedding. We had a variety of issues that were specific to lesbian weddings: figuring out how to get a same-sex version of the Hebrew for our ketubah, finding readings and first dance songs that were not all about boy-girl love, and working out how to have coordinating dresses when my wife is 5'1" and I'm 5'10". When faced with those issues, it was nice to be able to find other weddings that had similar issues, to help find creative solutions.

13 years ago @ KCRG - Iowa Senate Leader Rul... · 0 replies · +1 points

Ah, yes, Sodom and Gomorrah! That would be the story in which there was just one good guy--the one who was spared when everyone else was killed. And the "good guy" was the one who, when the neighbors tried to rape his houseguests, suggested that they rape his wife and daughter instead. Apparently, the "traditional marriage" you are trying so hard to defend includes the right to turn your wife over to the neighbors to be raped.

13 years ago @ Offbeat Bride - A tip for ring shoppin... · 0 replies · +1 points

I got NotFroofy's ring from eBay UK--even though we live in the US. I wanted something that was 22 karat gold, to match the one she was giving me, and it is a lot easier to find those in the UK than here. As a bonus, because the ring was a used one, we avoided the environmental costs involved in making a new ring.

13 years ago @ KCRG - Iowa Senate Leader Rul... · 0 replies · +1 points

I'm glad to see you recognize that it is God who makes people gay. Clearly, that means that gay people can't change how they are, and should be left alone by others.

Oh, wait, that wasn't what you meant?