I haven't had an affair, but I have been on the observing side. It's rough. I also, through charm or grace, seem to be the person who can say just about anything and keep friendships intact. So yes, I said something.

I fall into the camp of "If we're not getting what we need from a primary relationship, let's talk about it. How do we fix it?" I'm not judging anyone who seeks sex or love or emotional fulfillment outside of a marriage or primary relationship. I just feel that if I really need to sex someone else up, I'd prefer my husband and I talk about that -- I'm changing the rules of our arrangement and he deserves to know so he can walk if he wants to. I would like the same courtesy.

My one particular friend does not fall into this camp, and it makes me sad to watch. She's unhappy when she doesn't have a new conquest, but she's not really happy when she does.