No, YOU'RE on fire. In lieu of roses for your opening night, I present you with this:
http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/video-de...

You lied when you said Dane Cook's completely off-pitch butchering was Good Music.

DISAPPOINTED.

This one time, I came into Bean's room after her nap to find her standing on her sopping wet crib mattress completely naked.

My other boss Bug wears his karate sparring gear pretty much 24/7.

My employers are totally weird.

YOU GUYS. Stevie is Mighty Mouse, Mighty Mouse, RIGHT?

Aaron - He's smizing, isn't he? Also, he has potential to be the next Sunshine. Right? Am I right? Will he make a finger heart at the sun?

Arie - He looks like a slightly more facially proportionate Josh Groban, or if Josh Groban had a love child with Zach Braff.

Chris - Did you ever watch that movie Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley, and when Brendan Fraser wished to become a famous athlete & Elizabeth Hurley granted that wish but made him an idiot, and he kept saying, "The team gave 110%, and it's really all about giving 110% and I just go out there and give it 110%"? He reminds me of that part in Bedazzled.

Jackson - What did last season's Bachelor teach us about "fitness models"?

Jef - 3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHERE ARE THOSE BOYS' PARENTS?
I blame their parents. For runny noses and bad rapping.

I am SO glad this is on the internets. Because my daughter is BELLIGERENT the second we step into a grocery store. If I'm not in and out in under ten minutes, it's basically the apocalypse of toddler meltdowns.

She's trying to repel out of the cart. She's trying to jam her fist in raw meat. She's trying pull every.single.thing off the shelves as we pass by. And because I won't let her swan dive into e. coli, I'M THE ENEMY.

YOU GUYS. All Filipinos can sing. It's true.

Tears streaming down my face. I clapped at the end.

I might* also be one of those dorks who gives movies a standing ovation in the theater, so...

*I'm not. My husband would KILL ME.

You never sleep anyway.