So sad that it should come to this.

Jen, I don't know if this will help, but I wanted to share my personal experience with you. My wife and I had been persecuted from May 2009 until January 2010 by the board of elders at our former congregation. And after we were kicked out of our former congregation, they continued to slander us in a letter to the congregation.

Everyone in a conflict thinks they are right. But there is an objective truth and that truth comes from Scripture. After that, since many people have their own beliefs about what a certain passage means, you need to point to common doctrines. In your example, it would be hard for me to debate with prosperity gospel teachers because we don't have too many common doctrines.

In my example, all parties should have been willing to reference the Book of Concord as that common doctrine since all LC-MS congregations state that they hold the teachings of the Evangelical Lutheran Church to be a right exposition of the Bible. The elders refused to listen to arguments from Scripture and the Confessions.

Another tool to help discern who is being persecuted and who is persecuting whom, is each party's willingness to bring the conflict out into the open - who is willing to air all the laundry, even the dirty laundry. We asked the elders to take the conflict public so that the congregation could be apprised of the situation and they could make an informed decision about the proper course of action. Friends who were privy to the conflict also asked the elders to make it public. Because, if in fact my wife and I were guilty of the elders' charges, then their actions were justified, and apologies and repentance are called for. Conversely, if it was the elders who were guilty of sinning against us, then apologies and repentance are due from them. Yet the elders refused to do so.

A final tool I like to use is to ask myself, "Who has something to lose by telling the truth? Who has something to lose by lying?" As a professional church worker, what would I lose by lying? My call? My reputation (as a pro-life speaker and writer)? Would I put those things in jeopardy by lying? Although you should be careful not to assign motives to other people's actions, you can ask them why they are doing what they are doing and see if it is logical and sensible.

So, seek an answer in Scripture and go to your common doctrines. Then see who is willing to publicly defend his side from Scripture and your common doctrines, not in rancorous arguments but in well-ordered defenses, because:

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” (John 3:19-21 NIV)