Yeah.

I heard recently, and it makes perfect sense to me: Forgiveness takes one. Reconciliation takes two.

I can forgive. The other person may not choose to do so...and reconciliation might never take place. But, I am forgiven and can forgive without their participation, just as, God has forgiven me. The whole world is forgiven, but is the whole world reconciled? Nope. That takes two. When I am in agreement with God that He has it all covered (by the blood of His Son), then I am reconciled to Him.

My ex-husband says he has forgiven me, but he refuses to be reconciled. Only God knows if his heart is true...has he truly forgiven me? I don't know. I do know, we are not reconciled for he refuses to speak.

Love what you've said here! Thanks.

Yes.
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Outstanding!

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Keep writing, Tammy-Jo! If not for the book, at least for yourself. Get it all out on paper...let it flow without fear. You can always go back and edit out what you feel would hurt another, but in the writing, you will heal even more.

I'm praying for you.

(I guess I was too wordy...had to split the comment...)
Some of us have been victims of abuse for many many years...and some never really escape it. God knows who's who. We're told to help the weak, encourage the fainthearted, and admonish the unruly. If I choose to admonish the fainthearted, or the weak, because I think they are "playing the victim", then I am not living with the compassion He has commanded.

We're all trying to learn the dance...I think...
I hope.

(I'm trying to learn what it means to live forgiven...without labels and condemning thoughts.)

I think it's all a process...and we can't be too hard on anyone. Just because we might have begun to understand the "joy of the Lord" doesn't mean everyone else has. And yes, some people are stuck on negative over things we can't see. We can't ever truly know anyone's story...completely. We need to be honest with ourselves, but remember, it's a personal journey. We can't shake up another into the reality of grace and joy. Jeremiah was thought of as "negative"...but oh, what a man of God! I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and meet them where they are...and then, hopefully, to show them the joy that comes from following God.

I wonder if this is where CS Lewis got his thoughts on the "shadowlands"...through Plato. (Lewis was a Greek scholar) He said all that we experience are only shadows. Reality hasn't come yet...when it does, then we'll be amazed at the glory of it all.

I like thinking of this world as the shadowlands. Someday, when we see reality, everything will make sense.

I do love your thinking of this...in the spirit...we can live in another realm while walking among the shadows.
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Taking responsibility for the pain we've caused, and the pain we've endured, is necessary for real growth.

Not doing either will keep us stunted until we're ready to see reality...and recognize we can be our own worse enemy.

Step Four in any "Get Healthy" program: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Thanks for speaking hard...and strong. Love you, Tam.

"Squeaky cups and dirty guts."

I don't know how you come up with some of these things.
Thank you, Serena, for writing your book and helping me see,

"Those who have been saved by grace in the moment of complete terror and spiritual despair know that their salvation cannot be messed with. They know this because it came to them at their worst."

God has used you to help me see.
My recent post I Committed Adultery