Diepiriye, I reach out to you in friendship, love & sympathy.
And I tell you for sure that you're made of strong stuff, and that though tender you're tough.
The way I see it, you're the victim of a Double Whammy ~ being negro and being gay.
And I say that because I too am the victim of a Double Whammy ~ being disabled, and being gay.
Somehow, this is something which seems completely outside the understanding of the average human being: he simply cannot incorporate this into his mental furniture. Neither, sad to say, can many gays themselves :-(
OK, I will tell you something else: In the DeepSouth of India there is an unbelievable amount of prejudice against the black colour (ironic that the word 'krishna' means 'black' isn't it? ;) ) & once I heard my little god-daughter hurl an abusive colorphobic insult against her own uncle. I faced the wee 3-year-old eye-on-eye, and... Let's say that within the space of ten minutes, she viewed him in a very different light. :-)

>""at least not in the next 500 years". so when i saw him on 2nd of july, i greated him with a bright grin and said: "not in 500 years, ya?!""... :-) I think you just got a Flux Capacitor in your back pocket! :-)