Jason A. Miller: Rescind the Ban on Attending Interfaith Weddings – Forward.com Comments

TzviS

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:57:13 +0000

The answer is lying right in front of us. Let us work harder to bring more non-Jews, particularly friends and loved ones, into the community as converts to Judaism.

Rabbi Dr. Rosenberg

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 08:37:00 +0000

A RA colleague e mailed and called me pompous because I believe it is wrong to attend an intermarriage ceremony and or reception. I have never been considered pompous but I will not attend an intermarriage ceremony of anyone in my family or extended family. As a Rabbi we stand for certain values. Intermarriage is not a mitzvah. While I work with intermarriage families and respect them , I do not and never will condone intermarriage. My Semicha means something to me of great value. I will never condone an act which is against our survival as a people. Call be whatever you want but I will fight for what I believe in. If any of my children intermarried, which thank G-d, they did not, I would not attend the ceremony or reception. I would love them and not sit shiva, but I still would not attend. Attendance indicates I condone the act which I do not. I am sensitive to those who have children who intermarried, but my PERSONAL values remain the same.

Dr. Barry Blum

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:31:51 +0000

My rabbi once told me that he thought that when a marriage is between a man and a woman, it's already a mixed marriage. I'm not a rabbi but in the absence of a rabbi on the Big Island for decades, and as I was president of the Jewish congregation here, I became licensed by the State of Hawaii to become a "marriage officiant." When I perform an interfaith ceremony, I use the words: "Harei ot mekudeshet lee bitaba'at zoo, kiminchag Mosheh v'Yisrael" instead of "kidat." The wedding ceremony follows the customs of a Jewish marriage but is not of course, according to the law. I perform interfaith marriages because I want to perpetuate Judaism and make the wedding a positive Jewish experience for both bride and groom, with the hope that this will increase the likelihood that they will create a Jewish home together. I succeed sometimes.

Larry Steinmetz

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:32:32 +0000

Females trying to pray with the men at the Kotel, gay marriages, rabbi's performing marriages on Shabbat, weddings where tref is openly served, and on and on. The liberals in the Jewish community decide that their politics, not Jewish law, determine what being a Jew is all about. Is there any wonder the number of Jews have declined in America? Judiasm is not a smorgasbord where you can come to the buffet table and pick and choose what being Jewish is all about. Our faith has history, laws, and tradition, but unfortunately, far left members are not content with Judiasm as it IS, and decide to define it for what they think it should be to cater to their own left wing politics and values. It's no accident that the least observant are the least supportive of Israel and the most pro Obama.

Ashamed

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:13:02 +0000

I have been a proud CJ for all of my adult life. That pride is quickly dissipating. Very quickly. Rabbi, and I call you that with the sincere hopes that you will become one, you are so terribly wrong. Your own language is so embarrassing and inappropriate. You accuse your fellow Jews of "tribalism".......funny, I thought Judaism was a religion, a faith, a matter of beliefs. I do not attend intermarriages. Ceremony or reception. Is there really a difference? Come on! The reception is the celebration of the ceremony and attending either is equally inappropriate. If the Chancellor of the JTS actually attended the Clinton intermarriage, he really needs to resign. What did he eat at the dinner btw? I want my children's role models to be just that: role models. What travesty is left in Conservative Judaism? In all honesty, I am sickened by the message of your article. You should be ashamed. And, of course, so should Chancellor Eisen.

Yoine Cohen

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:25:26 +0000

As a Charedi Orthodox Jew, I hope the Rabbi succeeds with his proposal. The more the Conservatives move away from traditional Judaism, the better and clearer the line of demarcation between them and Orthodoxy becomes and I am all for that. As mentioned before, this line "I didn’t allow the fact that her bashert wasn’t a “member of the tribe” to deter me from replying “yes” on the RSVP card." reveals a lot about the Rabbi and his true beliefs. Did he forget or reject the talmud, on what the term "bashert" is based on? Bashert is the a Yiddish term of pre-ordained destiny, based on the Talmud that everybody has his/her spouse pre-ordained before his/her birth. [bas ploni l'ploni'.] see: http://kodesh.snunit.k12.il/b/l/l3501_002a.htm Rabbi Miller should/could not claim that he used this word casually. It rather honestly shows where he is coming from, I fully support his efforts on behalf the Conservative movement.

Rabbi Laura Baum

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:43:53 +0000

Kudos to Rabbi Miller - I agree complete that if outreach to interfaith couples is a goal for the Conservative movement and community, then the insult of refusing to attend interfaith weddings is counterproductive. Intermarriage is a reality - one we should embrace because it is here to stay. As a liberal rabbi, I officiate at intermarriages. I have a very hard time understanding why there are rabbis out there who welcome interfaith families as dues-paying members of their congregations but won't even show up at their weddings. To me, that is a disgrace.

Adam Magy

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 03:54:31 +0000

Once again Jason, we'll have to agree to disagree. If your family cannot accept your commitment to your faith, why should you have to compromise who you are? The intolerance and alienation you alluded to are clearly present; they were directed against you by your own family. Your article has proven a greater need for adherence to our traditions, certainly not less.

Rabbi Dr. Rosenberg

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 23:33:28 +0000

This must be Purim Torah. Next, the movement will be told it is ok. to eat non-kosher at events. . Rabbi Dr. Bernhard Rosenberg

Mark J. Scher

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 21:05:26 +0000

Full Comment truncated above: Ezra, so-called "Prophet" and High Priest of the 2nd Temple Period was the leading proponent of genetic defined Judaism. In The Book of Ezra, Chapter 9, verse 2 he refers to Jews as the "holy race." In Chapter 10, verse 3 he includes not only non-Jewish wives but also their children, i.e even those with one non-Jewish grandparent* are to be expelled. Ezra goes on in Chapter 10 verse 8 that the chief officers and elders are to confiscate all of the transgressor's property** and to expel him from the community. Chapter 10 verses 14, 16-17, and 44 goes on to describe how Ezra appointed a committee of inquiry into all marriages with non-Jewish wives who were to be expelled with their children. Is it any wonder that with texts like The Book of Ezra that the Conservative and Orthodox rabbinate finds itself in their position today. Mark *It is worth noting that the 1935 Nuremberg Race Laws defined a Jew as requiring at least two Jewish grandparents, i.e Ezra one-ups the Nazis in that respect. **The Nazi's seizure of Jewish-owned property mirrors the similar injunction expounded by Ezra, as noted above.

With all due respect

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 21:03:54 +0000

I'm also a CJ (not a Rabbi) and faced a similar decision a few years ago when I did not attend the intermarriage of one of my closest friends from College. I was honest with my friend from the beginning...yes, he was sad that I would not be there but he understood that my not attending was not a comment on our friendship. To the contrary, he respected my faith and conviction and felt that HE would be in breach of our friendship if he were to pressure me to attend. He is still married, we are still friends and it appears that my loyalty to tradition has possibly made him more, not less, interested interested in being a part of The Jewish Community.

Shmuel

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:50:19 +0000

I am so tired of reading this sort of stuff. So you want to go to an intermarriage. Good for you. Do we need an op-ed piece over it? Why don't Conservative Rabbis & educators start doing what they are supposed to do - worry about and work for other Jews. My not so affiliated brother & my more affiliated sister in law joined a massive conservative synagogue (so big it has 2 branches). They pay huge amounts of money for dues. The kids are in Hebrew school there. They go to services sometimes. Do you think the Rabbi(s) or Cantor(s) ever invited them for a Shabbat meal? A visit to their Sukkah? I mean....they have been members for like 13 years or so....... To stand up for gay rights, intermarried couples, ethical hechshers.....you name it - there is always plenty of time. You Conservative, JTS folks have plenty of time to do all these public, popular things. But what are you doing to help my nephews stay Jewish?? Seriously.......

Charles P. Cohen

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:17:06 +0000

>>> . It sends a message that Judaism puts tribalism before dignity and respect. <<< When the exiled Jews returned from Babylon, they were required to give up their non-Jewish wives, and children born to those wives! See Ezra, chapter 10. Judaism has always been torn between "tribalism", and "dignity and respect". Treat the stranger the same as the homeborn -- but don't marry him/her. It's not a new conflict, and it has no new solutions _within the tradition_. If one is willing to move _outside_ the tradition, of course, more choices open up, both for rabbis and spouses. Charles

guest

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:16:18 +0000

well, ya, this makes sense if you value your role as friend more than that of spiritual advisor

moshe

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:04:52 +0000

This is what's wrong with liberals in general. So worried about offending people that they lose sight of what really matters. Not offending people becomes more important than the underlying breach. Can you imagine an NBA player intentionally missing a game-tying free throw because he was worried that some fan for the other team might be upset if he makes it? How can a Rabbi think like this?

Guest

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:00:27 +0000

If you believe a Jewish person's bashert can be a non-Jew, then I suppose there's nothing wrong with your argument. Of course, just because you say so doesn't mean that you aren't stomping of 5000 years of tradition and belief. If you say pork is kosher, is it? This is an issue of money. Conservative rabbis want to officiate at intermarriages to increase their income. Most people would rather have a rabbi who sticks to his principals that one is afraid at offending someone who violates tradition and law.

Ayelet

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 18:16:13 +0000

Exclusion of an intermarried couple only pushes the Jewish spouse away from Judaism. Is that what we really want? I married an non-Jew in a Jewish ceremony, and we are raising our children as Jews. Interestingly enough, my husband used to be Mormon (he is agnostic now), until his mother demanded that I convert so we could have a traditional LDS temple marriage... "no son of mine is marrying a non-Mormon," she said. I refused, and we have no contact with her anymore. She refused to accept her son's marriage to a Jew and her daughter's marriage to a Lutheran, and all that's done is drive the family apart. Let's get our priorities straight.

hershele

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 17:08:21 +0000

If the bride is Jewish, then the children will be 100% Jewish (no such thing as half-Jewish anwhere except in the Nurumberg Laws). Accepting the bride, her new husband and,eventually, the children into the fold will add new blood and gentic diversity, a good thing, to the tribe. That solves half the problem. The other half our great rabbinic minds will have to work out for themselves. What else can I do for you? Hershel.

Jonathan

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 02:45:59 +0000

Atta-boy! Rabbi J Keep moving the movement to more untenable positions! Do we really want our rabbis attending our family's interfaith weddings? Are so many of our families so dumbed down to think that a rabbi with some fealty to halacha can justify celebrating an interfaith wedding? Do we really want the rabbi there just to say something like, I can't marry you but I can say the blessing over the champagne toast mixture of Kedem and Christian Brothers? Hey I guess so. Just recently the USCJ had a webinar about inviting in intermarrieds to Conservative Jewish life and the aches and pains so many in the movement have when their aren't enough inviting events for intermarrieds. So you are just another voice in the popular call within Conservative Judaism to put more resolve into what we hope intermarriaeds want to hear while sacrificing away the work needed to keep all those who actually married other Jews because it mattered to them to marry a Jew. So many services to the intramarried will not exist as we keep working to bring intermarrieds in. And we will continue to lose our ties to what really matters. Rabbi J: Where are the aches and pains within the Conservative Judaism for those who leave because they can't find enough fellow congregants who observe Shabbat or kashrut? Where are the aches and pains because the adult education opportunities in a lot of our shuls consistently stop at such a remedial level? (In my town I don't think a whole page of talmud has been taught by any local Conservative rabbi to its congregants in decades.) Where are the aches and pains within the Conservative movement when line staff workers are not provided with health insurance or living wages? By the way Rabbi J. I have an idea for your next article. Can you tell us how well the movement has been doing in conducting commitment ceremonies for homosexuals? You know we are coming to the 4 year anniversary of the Nevins teshuva where gays (as long as men commit to no anal sex between them) and lesbians could have commitment ceremonies. What is it like these days for Conservative Rabbis when they counsel or conduct these ceremonies when so many in the gay and lesbian community at large want homosexual marriage? One could argue well that the Nevins teshuva is behind the times already. When is the movement going to allow forgo this commitment sham and move to full marriage ceremonies for homosexuals? Could you also tell us about what the Conservative movement is doing for gays and lesbians when they don't want to be committed to their partner anymore? Surely there must be some kind of "get" for homosexual committed relationships but the Nevins teshuva didn't address that. And I haven't seen a teshuva from the movement since four years ago address this point. So please Rabbi J. it's easy to see that your article today simply follows what a lot of Conservative Jews hope for - to ignore intermarriage as a problem. Give it to us straight about gays too.

ari

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 23:37:44 +0000

i don't see any reasons why anyone should be banned or discouraged from attending an interfaith marriage. unless, of course, they are delusional enough to believe that their refusal to attend the nuptials will A) make said nuptials not exist or B) bring the couple closer to judaism. in which case i would say that such people SHOULD be discouraged from attending, because reality--the harshest mistress--will whack them over the head before they are ready for it.