torybee's Comments

Ron Edmondson : How an Introvert Handles Awkward Situations

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 02:42:42 +0000

I'm such an introvert! When I was younger I could behave like an extrovert, and I still really do love people, but I find them draining and I feel so awkward in groups. As you said, I play with my phone, read a book or latch on to someone familiar and let them do all the talking! Actually, though I'm quite faithful at church and participate in so much, I often feel a bit isolated and lonely. Someone may call me a friend but I'm not sure I'd really call them a friend. I think I expect more deeper relationships than some of my extroverted friends. My pastor is also introverted so he seems to understand pretty well, though as you pointed out, most people don't "get" that he's so introverted. (he really is!) He comes across when he's speaking so extroverted and fulfills the (fairly) outgoing pastor role well on Sundays. Oftentimes I still don't feel like I fit in with the others at church but I'm slowly realizing that I do. I just see things a bit differently and have more expectations of connection than most.

Spence Smith : Musical Motivation For Runners

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:09:09 +0000

I don't do anything. :-) But my husband runs (and bikes and runs) a LOT! Nearly every day at lunchtime. He did 10 miles yesterday at a nice little pace. He chooses to run without music.

Spence Smith : Leaders Who Blog Engage Their Audience

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:52:45 +0000

I love blogs, and through them I do feel I have a connection. The ironic thing is that oftentimes I feel more connected with someone online than I do "real" friends..... but I think it is just because, in my circle of friends, only perhaps 4 people in my church blog, and I do feel like I know them better because of their blogs. IDK. I guess I have a harder time really being that authentic with someone without having their blog as a jumping off point. My pastor blogs and it is where I first began to actually "listen" to him, even on Sunday mornings! My husband and I started attending church and I didn't really want to be there. I'd doodle during the message. I tried really hard to not pay attention to him. I knew he had a blog and would occasionally visit. What really impressed me was he seemed to welcome dialogue; he encouraged people to comment, even (especially) if they did not agree with him. It took me many weeks/months to finally publicly comment on his blog, but I became hooked. (even though I think it's hard to have a view different than the Pastor's "correct" view) Now I'm so thankful for his blog and opening that side of his life, family and heart. Another advantage is I encourage others to read it as well and I enjoy discussing the blog posts with others. It's a great way of starting a conversation about something of a nature I'd never approach otherwise. So; I completely agree with you! I only wish more of my "real life" friends blogged, but even with my online blogger friends, I've learned so much from you and others; I've been introduced to music I'd never have known if it wasn't for twitter and blogs. Books, other blogs, information..... it's quite wonderful and I'm quite thrilled with what I glean from my online community. Thanks for this post. It has made me happy.

Spence Smith : 50 Ways To Identify Triathlon Obsession

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 07:04:55 +0000

I read this to my husband... he's laughing... says it is hilarious. (as he is getting ready to go for an 11pm swim and already went on a bike ride) Oh, and did I mention that I'm typing this in my living room and I'm staring at a tri bike that indeed cost more than my first car ( which was a '66 mustang? ) Over half that list was right on the mark.... and he just started racing last May!

Lindsey Nobles : Go Ahead...Commit Me

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:54:40 +0000

Ha.... I'm so insane My recent post Coded Messages

Lindsey Nobles : On Love

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 23:24:01 +0000

I've not seen this movie either but my pastor twittered that his girls (wife and 2 adult daughters) were watching it at Christmas for the 28th time. I'm not being very loving or lovable at the moment! I'm in a small vacation house with 17 people and I'm not the extroverted type. But... that being said, it amazes me that my husband shows me so much love and kindness even when I have such a difficult time in these family situations! My recent post Gabriel The Elf

Lindsey Nobles : Christmas Snapshots

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:31:01 +0000

Oh, there's so many wonderfully fun things this Christmas for my family! I have a 5, 6 and 10 year old and we celebrate Christmas Eve with my inlaws and then Christmas Day with just our family (and later meet with more extended family later) This can be tough for young kids but mine did well. I think the most amazing thing for me has been the wonder this year; perhaps my kids are at a perfect age to verbalize and express it. The tree, lights, Santa (btw, a Santa came to our church twice this month for the church service.... he was a stand-in Santa that they send all over the US to relieve other Santas) My husband and I were planning a simple Christmas this year but somehow wound up buying them some extra presents. We needn't have. My 10 year old requested a gift that was under 30, my 6 yo's fave gift was under 10 and my little girl just wanted a kitten. (of course, she asked for a REAL one but we told her Santa did not bring real cats!) She was thrilled with her stuffed kittens Santa gave her. Another highlight for me was our Elf on the Shelf. My kids so enjoyed waking up and trying to find Gabriel, and they enjoyed talking to him and making him part of our Christmas tradition. (this is our elf's 2nd year) A highlight for me was taking the kids to a nursing home for them to sing carols. My five year old did not know most of the words, but somehow, in her antsy, loud, way, she stole the show and the resident's hearts. They were literally in smiles and tears as they hugged and kissed her, and she let them. It really blessed so many people. I enjoyed sharing my treasure with them. I know, I ramble and I say too much. (sorry) My recent post Gabriel The Elf

Spence Smith : Food As Fuel

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:03:34 +0000

Ha... this is the reason I generally dislike the new year, as this type of thing is often the topic. If I had enough willpower I'd boycott reading blogs during the month of January! Oh well. Good, solid advice.

Lindsey Nobles : Random Things I Learned About Last Night

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:32:50 +0000

Ah, it's true... whenever 2 or more that own an iPhone gather this is what is always conversed about! Love it. I love my iPhone! Thanks for sharing. My recent post Impossible Union

Spence Smith : Life Is Full of Simple Dreams

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:42:13 +0000

This is a timely post. Not more than 20 minutes ago I opened my first letter from the child I began sponsoring this fall from Compassion International. Yesterday I was "arguing" that I don't like short term mission trips because of various factors. (a group of people from my church are going to Togo next month..... but my pastor doesn't see it as "short term" because my church plans to have a long term relationship with them.... in fact, I think close to (or over?) 50 Togo kids are sponsored by people in our church through Compassion International. Yet.... I'm arguing that I don't believe in short term mission trips. And then I get this letter. A beautiful letter! I want to meet her. I want my whole family to meet her family. Silly I know. (and what happened to my nice rational arguments against short term missions?) Sorry.... It just really, really meant something to me, opening that letter from a small child in Togo. This Help Portrait sounds really amazing and kinda up my alley. . Photography is my passion; truly what I love and I've done similar things like this, only wishing that my photos were better because the people I photograph are truly beautiful. Love this ministry and I thank you for sharing it. I'm going to find out more about it. Thank you so much and I totally agree with all you've written here.

Spence Smith : How Do You Manage Your Life?

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:22:53 +0000

Ha! Manage my life? Get things done? I've 3 young kids! NOTHING gets done. (at least well)

Lindsey Nobles : Drafting Blueprints, Part 2

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:50:45 +0000

Lindsey, you are killing me with your posts! I've given up on being fit.... I'll just settle for being thin. (which seems like it won't happen either) I'm just not sporty, I've little endurance, etc. My husband so supports me to be healthy and fit but I'm not like him; I've never been talented at sports. I don't think I could even run a 5k. (I tried.. at the track my 10 year old was running circles around me; I was gasping and he could go on forever!) So, in answer to your question: Nope. I'm not fit at all. There is nothing even close to "what fit-ness" looks like in my life! (but I do desire it..... or if not "fit" to at least be thin!) My recent post Impossible Union

Lindsey Nobles : Drafting Blueprints

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:38:28 +0000

Lindsey, you're very sweet and yeah, you definitely challenge me! It IS scary to verbalize specific hopes, goals and dreams! I'd rather just not even go there. :-) It's nice being called a friend, and I appreciate that you seem to do more than just tolerate me on your blog. My recent post Impossible Union

Lindsey Nobles : Drafting Blueprints

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:10:01 +0000

Ah, Lindsey... it's a good post and I love that you make me think about such things! You wrote a post a while ago about what one wants to "be" or something to that effect. It really challenged me and I still haven't figured that out so obviously I've no idea here. The problem in my mind is that I'm not really all that good at much. IDK. The strange thing is I'm drawn to things that I'm not really good at. Sometimes I get angry at God for giving me a desire to be involved in something yet no ability for it! It's hard to explain. All I know is that right now I'm a SAHM and not altogether really "good" at it. (you know how some women are like Perfect Martha Stewart types that make their own play doh, homeschool, make amazing meals every night, give awesome back rubs to their husbands, etc.... I'm so not one of them!) I don't know! There's a part of me that really envies people like you and your personality...... your "woo" factor, great friendships, intelligence, and amazing leadership abilities. I'm good at seeing things plainly, seeing what is wrong in a situation but not having any leadership skills to assist, so I just grow bitter. IDK. I only know that I'm not content. In nearly anything! My dream? To be completely different than who I am. (Or maybe to figure out who I am? Or maybe to find out that there are good, redeeming qualities in me) My husband is "perfect" (really.... he's quite amazing) and I've been married for 15 years, which means I got married when I was 23.... he's always been very passionate about things: his sports, biking, surfing, rock climbing, windsurfing, and now triathlons. He's very supportive of me having my time and time with my friends but I really don't have much that I consider is "mine" that I'm good at or passionate about. As for your desire to be married, that makes me smile. You seem so amazing. I'm sure that God has great plans for the partnership you will someday be a part of.... and the good thing is that you will KNOW your strengths and passions, not be like me that feels lost and uncertain. My recent post Impossible Union

Spence Smith : Being Fit vs. Being Healthy

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:42:41 +0000

I'm kinda glad this post is a bit buried. It give me "permission" to speak out. (lately I've not been happy about my negativity yet I enjoy being honest) This post is really wonderful and great to hear but it hurts because though I desire to be fit or healthy, (at this point, I'd settle for either!) I know I'll do nothing about it to achieve it. So these posts just make me feel bad. On top of that I have a triathlete husband who is training for his first half IM this May and mid-July, so he's constantly working out and keeps encouraging me to as well. I've just never had the desire to run, bike or swim! I do equate fitness with health and assume that those that have achieved this are perfect...... perhaps that's why I won't even attempt it: though I desire and strive for perfection I'll never attain it. Me? I'll be happy when I just lose 20 pounds! I don't even care about being fit or being healthy!

Lindsey Nobles : Scaling Back

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:35:32 +0000

Thanks Lindsey! :-) I've really been enjoying your posts and your insight. My recent post Impossible Union

Lindsey Nobles : Scaling Back

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:58:15 +0000

Lindsey, I went to bed last night, thinking of your post, etc. and realized I took it way too personally. I'm sensitive and I do want others to like me, and not just like me but have a real, in depth relationship with me! Of course, that wont' happen with most. I also view online relationships and different and that is perhaps why it's easier to be transparent here for me. I don't consider people online to be draining. :-) I was referring to the people IRL. I have people in my life who are exactly as you describe: negative, depressing and sometimes draining and it's true: I only have enough time and resources and what is better? To spend it with someone who through all my efforts seems to be unresponsive? Or someone who is actively taking what I say, the time I spend with them and implementing positive changes in their life? That someday will GIVE back to me or if not me, perhaps give back to others. I don't know the answers to this at all, but I just wanted to say that I overreacted and took it to heart when perhaps it wasn't needed for me to do so. (I do that a lot, I admit to being critical but I'm most critical of myself) Just wanted to apologize and actually, between you and @spencesmith's post I've learned quite a lot this week about relationships and open-ness and what type of person I want to be. Thank you! My recent post Impossible Union

Spence Smith : A Question For Women About Finding A Mentor

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:40:37 +0000

Since your prior post on mentoring, I've been in much thought and conversations with others. In fact, randomly (or not so random? Not sure) it was indirectly pointed out to me that the person I've been having lunch with once a week is a wonderful mentor and in the prayer by my pastor he brought out that perhaps others in our congregation would seek her out and she'd be discerning on who to spend her time with in this process. It hit me: She's my mentor! I complained I had none, that no one liked me, etc. and yet failed to see that perhaps this was quite intentional. Instead of making me instantly happy that YAY I have a mentor! I instead felt hurt that all I was to her was a project. There is a part of me that wants to be autonomous. On further reflection I realized that I'm quite happy to have her in my life, whether one calls it a mentor or a friend. I wonder if since I'm an introvert if a group of women wouldn't be conducive for mentoring for me? It seems to me that in the groups I've been into, even some that were supposed to be "care groups" or Bible studies, there's always one person (the same person) that has such GREAT needs and struggles and the group revolves around them. (and it's not me! My cares and struggles are generally quite common and mundane) I don't know. I loved hearing all the responses above and agree with the reasons why we have a harder time, especially in regards to fear, insecurity, risk, etc. I read a very interesting post (@lnobles) the other day that shook my world up a bit as I wondered if I'm just the type of person that no one sees value in investing their time in. That's not exactly truth because I've many friends but I do desire a deeper bond of friendship and often that is a bit revealing and scary. We're applauded for being authentic and 'real' and yet at the same time it seems to be why some turn away.... I don't want to be negative or depressing (yet obviously I'm not a very lighthearted person!) yet I want to be more than shallow and have others reciprocate that depth. Today I realized that one can be genuine and authentic and not draining, and often it has to do with so many factors and variables that it's hard to pinpoint in writing! I'm happy to say that I have a wonderful mentoring relationship that is in many ways reciprocal; we learn from each other. She indulges me in my strange questions and even my raw, written out loud, uncensored thoughts. (I don't swear, just sometimes don't sugarcoat things) She listens. I listen. I'm receptive to learning (sometimes) and she's gentle and goes at my pace and loves unconditionally. I thank your post (and my pastor's prayer) to help me realize what a treasure she is in my life. I'm still not sure about groups of women getting together under one mentor though! I'll have to experience it to believe it!

Lindsey Nobles : Scaling Back

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 07:57:57 +0000

Lindsey, I have to say when I first read this the night you posted it, it made me very sad. Some say I'm too hard on myself and I see myself differently than I really am, but I consider myself an outsider. At first it just hurt to realize that I'll never be a VIP. I'll never be one that someone considers valuable in a relationship and to realize that all my friends should just "abandon" me because I bring no value in their life really hurt. I'm actually not a depressing person and I consider myself a realist, not a negative person, yet can definitely be critical at times. I'm the type that notices every typo in the church bulletin. I'm the type that will go home, look up scripture and ask questions of my pastor based on what he preached on, not saying he's wrong; just seeking more understanding. Most would roll their eyes at me; I'm intense. I read a lot of books, I have a lot of questions and most of my friends don't do that. We talk about being "authentic" and real and sometimes I get mixed messages from others. Would it be better the VNP and VDP just pretended to be how others liked? To keep things shallow and surfacey? Would others like them more then? I have a feeling that perhaps that's not what would keep them from being VNP or VDP. I don't like this but I think that there are those that are just more "comfortable" for us to be around and we gravitate to them. Some may make us feel good and encouraging and GIVE a lot. I suppose the ideal relationship is one where it's reciprocal. I know I make no sense and you don't know me so you may view me as a VDP or VNP. I can be. I see things clearly. I'm a lot bolder online in my thoughts and complaints than I am IRL to most people. (except a few "safe" people that I can say aloud my thoughts, questions) I will always feel like no one accepts me even if I were to be accepted! CS Lewis wrote `Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.' In my mind, I'll always be an outsider, but I have a feeling most wouldn't say I'm a VNP or VDP. I AM critical yet I'm also an encourager. I don't "dump" on people, unless they are a strong person that is my close friend and "safe" to do so, and I make sure it's an environment that's reciprocal. The day you posted on grief I was sad yet the only place I even admitted it was online. I approached not a single friend to let them know that day was the day my brother died and it was bothering me. (see? I don't like to be depressing!) I think that the key to something like this isn't just deciding who is "valuable" or worth investing in by the worldly standards that are around us. I look at it by who God placed in my path and for what purpose. If I find then "draining" and I'm struggling with my attitude or spiritual life, and after a good period of time fail to see any noticeable change in them, then I suppose I'd reexamine the relationship, but I would have a hard time just cutting out those that don't meet my standards in keeping me happy..... sometimes those are the very people I learn the most from. I do realize that you perhaps aren't having a "what's in this for me" attitude when selecting friends to invest your time in, I am just trying to figure this all out too, except I'm trying to figure out why I'm not accepted. (I don't think it's because I'm VDP or VNP) But after your post It made me delete nearly my entire blog because I don't want someone to form an opinion of me that's VDP or VNP. I'm strange and questioning yet I'm also quite giving and I'd like to think that I have value and worth. I don't "fit in" in many places, but is it because I'm VDP or VNP? Or because I'm not a typical girl? This is a hard post because I FEEL like an outsider and yet I've many friends. They just aren't the "in crowd" friends that I guess deep down I want to have. IDK. To me it seems that the "valuable" people are the leaders, those with "woo" and that are extroverts...... people that are "perfect" or successful or super thin, or dress nice. THOSE are the people that I think others exhibit more grace to; more favor. I'll end. I know I'm babbling. My recent post Impossible Union

Spence Smith : Mentoring

Tue, 8 Dec 2009 07:54:19 +0000

I've a hard time what to say here. I enjoy reading your posts as they always seem so happy and positive. I like that. I'm happy that you have such a wonderful mentoring group and I can see that it is important. I love how you can meet with a group of guys without an "agenda" except to be present with each other, and whatever that entails. I've never been a part of something like that. I've friends and one on one things like that happen.... we'll talk about life, whatever comes up. I love those times with her, but add a few others and it's no longer the same. I know you are a people person extrovert and I'm obviously not, so perhaps that is why... or perhaps it's just not the same with women. IDK. Whenever I get in a group of women, I always feel like I want to go run and hide. The conversation is never what I enjoy. I suppose I could embrace that, learn from it but, as I've complained before I'm not exactly typical. okay... Enough complaining. I'll probably delete this soon. :-)