IntenseDebate - ilgattomorte

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Sam Brownback Is Playi... · 1 reply · +12 points

You might be a little off here. It's possible that Brownback does these things not as a distraction, but because he really, really hates Gays. Perhaps though, it's not his fault. Maybe it's because the big, bad Gays have been mean to him and his poor little ego has been crushed too many times. Straight or Gay, we all want to be attractive and well liked, but just look at poor Sam. How could any Gay man look at that poor piggy faced little bastard and show anything but disgust?

Seriously, maybe Sam just wants someone to notice his butt and say something nice, but that flat, wide, sack of sad hanging below his belt is impossible to praise. He's not girthy enough to appeal to the bear lovers, even with the sagging hint of man-breast that peeks out from beneath his jacket, and his sense of style would cause all but the legally blind Gay man to shutter in horror. As disgusting as he may be, maybe Brownback just wants to be noticed and yes, loved.

So Gay men, one of you may have to take one for the team. Now I not saying you have to "go all the way", but if you see Sam maybe give him a little hug, compliment him on his hair or just tell him that he's looking good. Yes, I mean lie to him. Lie through your teeth. Maybe, in that way we can warm his little Grinch heart.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - How All Your Favorite ... · 0 replies · +5 points

This was so obviously untrue. If you outlaw yoga pants, then only criminals will wear yoga pants. Yes we want this to be true, if only for the security camera videos of two fat guys knocking over a Seven Eleven in their Lululemons. Sadly, it is not.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - House GOP Will Return ... · 1 reply · +17 points

It was Jesus who said "I was hungry and you gave me food ...SUCKER!".

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Dumb Obama Needs Mike ... · 0 replies · +1 points

I tried to watch it, but it appears to be blocked in the US. Is there another link?

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Study Shows HPV Vaccin... · 0 replies · +8 points

Dammit Kaili! There goes my evil plan to to turn all of the earth's women into sluts. There goes all of the time, the planning, the money! What am I going to do with millions of HPV doses now? It's over, over I tell you! Wait ... I know - free birth control ... and abortions - lots of abortions! YES! That will do it. Soon all of your libidos will bend to my will and my master plan will finally come to fruition. None of you can stop me now!

MUUU HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Fox's John Stossel Wil... · 0 replies · +2 points

It just seems that way because his mustache is hypnotic. Never stare directly into the mustache. It will steal your soul.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Supreme Court Forces A... · 0 replies · +5 points

Wow! I was wondering where all of the Gay demons had gotten off to. You've got to hang out with those guys if you get the chance, they really know how to party.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Dumb Obama Needs Mike ... · 0 replies · +4 points

Well in the early days he did have a betting thing going with God. It was kind of like playing the street number, only with people. Just look at that poor sonafabitch Job. Then there was the whole talking snake thing where Satan kind of got us all banished from paradise and brought about the destruction of the Garden of Eden. But I see your point. I mean, who hasn't screwed around and maybe gone just a little too far at times. Let he who hasn't wished for the destruction of an entire civilization cast the first stone, I always say.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Dumb Obama Needs Mike ... · 6 replies · +19 points

Everyone knows that the Christian God is responsible for all of the good things in the world. He wasn't always that way however, he used to be kind of cranky and insecure when he was first starting out. He had his diva moments in the past. You might remember that time he told Abraham, "Hey Abe, if you really love me you'll kill your kid". Of course he stopped him and was like, "C'mon Abe, you thought I was serious? What kind of God do you think I am?"

He was a little manic in those early years, like when he destroyed an entire town and then turned this chick into salt just because she noticed it and looked, or that time he drowned pretty much all of existence. He was a pistol back then, but then he had a kid and he's mellowed quite a bit since then. That's why it really isn't fair to bring up all of the old violence that has been done in his name. He was a very different kind of God and he's really gotten in touch with his inner child (and his inner ghost-bird) since then. In fact you could argue that he was actually the Jewish God back then.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Justice Ruth Bader Gin... · 0 replies · +10 points

"Dad suggested that if he quit his job as a salesman and she typed all his final drafts, they could finance my dental care. Over cocktails in the woods of eastern Kentucky, they formed a partnership to mass-produce porn."

Its a very touching story that moved me greatly. Coincidentally, this is exactly how Mom fell into the lucrative field of Crack Whoring.

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