IntenseDebate - ajamjar

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Geek Behaviors That Dr... · 1 reply · +12 points

Yes. Usually when I read the phrase "access to [people]" those people are victims and the person with access is a predator.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Online Dating 201: Why... · 0 replies · +5 points

You focus. I am responding to a particular post in which she wrote NINE, count 'em, NINE words.

Responding to a post about sex, she wrote "commitment TO IT", ie. "commitment to having sex."

It's YOU that's written reams about commitment and YOU that seems to have the problem with it.

Also, you are very rude. And being offensive about mental illness is just a shitty, shitty thing to do.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Online Dating 201: Why... · 3 replies · +7 points

To recap, Max said "Though, I wish there was a better way to convey "I would like to date, but I will not have sex with you right away." I can live with that, and most other guys can, too."

UnderOrange said
""right away" Because. Obviously we have to commit to it eventually."

So Max is arguing that it's OK if a woman wants to wait a while and get to know a man better before sleeping with him, as long as she *does* sleep with him in the end.

I read AgentOrange's reply as rightly pointing out that a woman might want to wait a while and get to know a man before *deciding* if she wants to sleep with him ... or not.

That's perfectly reasonable. Nothing about it is self-centred, needy or insecure.

I think you've brought your own issues around the word "commitment" into the argument.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 1 reply · +33 points

Is it just me or does anyone else think that maybe LW2's boyfriend might hold some sexist beliefs *and* be mean and insecure? The fact that he doesn't just believe these things, but is trying to make her feel bad ... well, if it wasn't her sexual history, it could be her weight, her looks, her education, her job or something else entirely.

It'd be nice to think she could re-educate him, but it's entirely possible he's sexist *and* an asshole.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Your Guide to Giving T... · 2 replies · +6 points

"nobody wants a task as a gift"

I feel that way about receiving kitchen appliances*, tbh. While one might think, 'what a nifty gadget!' I would exercise caution when giving women gifts they will have to clean.

*A stand mixer is a good present if your other half audibly fantasises about being able to make giant meringues 365 days a year. Those things are super-pricey though.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 0 replies · +13 points

I don't think the term "nasty surprise" is as neutral as you seem to think it is.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Ways To Improve Your... · 4 replies · +7 points

" I think I have sensory/depression related reasons for finding dental care unusually difficult."

Is this a real thing? If it is, I'd like some kind of certificate I could print out and show.

At my last appointment, my (new) dentist got quite irritated with me when I found the drilling painful and uncomfortable. She kept telling me that it *shouldn't* be painful or uncomfortable and all I could say was that it was ...

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Ways To Improve Your... · 10 replies · +10 points

On a lighter note, I had a chugger accuse me of trying to avoid him because he was black.

Dude, YOU'RE A CHUGGER. EVERYBODY AVOIDS YOU.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Ways To Improve Your... · 5 replies · +20 points

Except you didn't say you thought the phrase was garbage or used to shut down arguments. You came to a site where there is a lot of male privilege at play in the comments* and said that whenever someone mentions privilege you hear, "well I'm a woman so my perspective matters and yours doesnt".

(*And to my mind one of the biggest signs of this privilege is how many women come here for dating advice, but don't feel comfortable talking about their dating lives in the comments.)

Of course it doesn't make you responsible for all the crappy things men have said to women on these pages. But if you read those crappy things and women's responses to them and interpret the response as "well I'm a woman so my perspective matters and yours doesnt" ... you're showing a fair amount of privilege yourself, imho.

So, if you are here to learn there's a lesson for you: what you think you are doing and what you are doing may not be the same thing.

As for me, I just came to toss in a snarky one line and leave, which I admit may not be the most helpful thing to do. But, also, sometimes I don't feel like being helpful. When someone says something that annoys me, I, too, feel annoyed.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Ways To Improve Your... · 10 replies · +20 points

Firstly, obelisks? How phallic! You mean monolith?

Secondly, I don't assume you do represent the male gender. But you brought gender into this.

Thirdly, I'm going to quote someone much more eloquent than I am and hope you see the relevance.

"Let me say that to acknowledge that white male privilege exists does not mean that white privileged men are hostile or racist — or that all bad things that happen to black people are occurring only because of racial bigotry. But I am no better able to explain the lackadaisical response of the two white men to whom I reported the incident than I am able to explain the motives of the two white men who called my son a nigger in the first place.

And perhaps this is why it is so difficult to fairly and productively discuss the privilege (or burdens) that are enjoyed (or endured) by groups to which we don’t belong. Try as I may to see things from the perspective of a white person, I can see them only from the experience that I have as a black man and had as a black boy. As we observe each other and think that we have a close understanding of what it means to be black, white, Hispanic, Asian, male, female, rich or poor, we really don’t — and very often we find ourselves gazing at each other through the wrong end of the telescope."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/...

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