en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/917163 Comments by PrimalRand http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/lost-found/#IDComment76941181 Is "peace out" one of those failed attempts at a masculine "I' love you"? Mon, 24 May 2010 20:06:29 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/lost-found/#IDComment76941181 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/when-mom%e2%80%99s-away-theory-v-practice/#IDComment76701978 I raised my son from the age of four as a single father. Now, I'm happily married and proud father of a two week old baby daughter. It drives me to distraction when my wife tells someone that "Randy is watching Saralynn." I'm not babysitting and I'm not "watching" anyone. I'm fulfilling my role as a Daddy by making sure that our daughter is clean, fed, healthy and happy...along with laundry, dishes, vacuuming, preparing dinner, ...etc. Don't demean that by inferring that I'm providing Mommy with a temporary respite from her duties. Sat, 22 May 2010 20:55:04 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/when-mom%e2%80%99s-away-theory-v-practice/#IDComment76701978 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/greg-boyle-has-saved-thousands-of-latino-lives-in-los-angeles-why-might-he-go-out-of-business/#IDComment76547550 This type of grassroots movement should be celebrated by all of us. And, not that I don't like Michelle Obama, but how about "Memo to Oprah..." Speaking of which...I'll be right back.... Fri, 21 May 2010 18:46:15 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/greg-boyle-has-saved-thousands-of-latino-lives-in-los-angeles-why-might-he-go-out-of-business/#IDComment76547550 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/epilogue-what-happened-next/#IDComment75476242 Different now. Those words choke me up in so many ways. It may be a way to open up the conversation, but more importantly, it's a way into his heart. We may not be perfect, but given the chance, anything is possible. I'm so happy for you, Lisa. Fri, 14 May 2010 22:42:09 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/epilogue-what-happened-next/#IDComment75476242 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/down-a-path-we-dont-know-where/#IDComment74989875 Whoa, do I teach any one of you? That's daunting. I'm just a big old schmuck that may have had an insight or two during my life. I would never presume to teach or mentor anyone. If you found anything in my posts that is insightful to you or helpful in anyway, I am grateful for that. If you disagree and tell me why, I am grateful for that as well because I learn something about you, me and the rest of us. Wed, 12 May 2010 02:13:18 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/down-a-path-we-dont-know-where/#IDComment74989875 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/down-a-path-we-dont-know-where/#IDComment74698397 I can relate, not to the leaving part, but to the "not knowing how to raise him" part and the alcoholism part. It is only recently that I am beginning to understand the depth of my relationship with my son, even after I was absent...perhaps not physically, but emotionally. Tue, 11 May 2010 01:13:17 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/down-a-path-we-dont-know-where/#IDComment74698397 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/from-%e2%80%9ctalking-shop%e2%80%9d/#IDComment74379629 True words, Regie. From the time I first noticed girls until today, I have measured at least a part of my self-image through the eyes of the women in my life. I have, at times, played the fool and learned from those times. I have had lunch a few times with a friend who is more observant than I am and he points out various tables of women at various times who sit and verbally chew up and spit out the men in their lives. I have been tempted many times to ask these women why they are still with these men if they're bunch of douchebags and tools. And, of course, that makes me wonder if my wife talks smack like that when she's out with the girls. Is it destructive? Is it just venting? Is venting like this destructive? Mon, 10 May 2010 03:13:43 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/05/from-%e2%80%9ctalking-shop%e2%80%9d/#IDComment74379629 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/contest-results-they%e2%80%99re-all-good/#IDComment69462931 I find your featured essays, currently focusing on pieces written by inmates at Sing Sing, and the fact that the winner of your essay contest could not accept his award because he's currently serving a sentence at the Logan County Detention Center, a bit disturbing. I have always been aware of the consequences of my actions and I find it hard to believe that men who were locked up because they broke the law have a better perspective on manhood than someone who does the right thing in the face of adversity. Should we focus on responsibility and sensibility or should we focus on apologies and redemption? Wed, 21 Apr 2010 22:34:00 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/contest-results-they%e2%80%99re-all-good/#IDComment69462931 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-author-and-wall-street-journal-columnist-jeffrey-zaslow/#IDComment68857572 Thanks for your thoughts, Jeff. Some people I know found Randy Pausch's book and lecture to be whiney and self-serving. I was amazed that anyone would see it that way. Most men, until they reach a certain age or are faced with a terminal illness, do not understand their mortality. To know that your death is coming soon and being able to stand up and say, "This is what I loved about life and this is how you can achieve your dreams" is incredibly selfless and inspiring. I hope that if I am ever faced with George Carlin's "Two Minute Warning", that I will be able to be as selfless as Randy. Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:13:36 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-author-and-wall-street-journal-columnist-jeffrey-zaslow/#IDComment68857572 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/dads-represent/#IDComment67975105 I agree with Mathew's assertion that men are bearing the brunt of quite a bit of misandry and that TV sitcoms and ads are indicative of that. Art imitates life. I also agree with some of you that most men won't be terribly affected by the programs themselves. However, I submit that they are a reflection of a deeper problem in our society. At best, they are only an annoying caricature. At worst, they are perpetuating the, prevalent but ridiculous, proposition that all of our lives would be greatly improved and more peaceful if only women ruled the world. Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:38:22 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/dads-represent/#IDComment67975105 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/butch-and-moan/#IDComment67473058 Am I supposed to feel something about his poor decisions and bitterness? Mon, 12 Apr 2010 20:00:08 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/butch-and-moan/#IDComment67473058 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-actor-and-mankind-project-co-leader-michael-c-pierce/#IDComment67283393 Sorry, but that reads like it was written by a publicist. You completely avoided the question about mistakes. Must be pice to be nerfect. Sun, 11 Apr 2010 18:00:26 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-actor-and-mankind-project-co-leader-michael-c-pierce/#IDComment67283393 http://goodmenfoundation.org/blog/2010/04/from-irritable-male-to-runaway-husband-part-3/#IDComment67197102 Interesting. I'm going through this myself. I freely admit that some of the problem is how I'm perceiving things, but I refuse to accept that it is only my perceived disenfranchisement that is at fault. Relationships are a two way street. Sun, 11 Apr 2010 03:08:05 +0000 http://goodmenfoundation.org/blog/2010/04/from-irritable-male-to-runaway-husband-part-3/#IDComment67197102 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/from-irritable-male-to-runaway-husband/#IDComment66615620 After several months of counseling, I've learned to see anger and frustration for what they really are...emotional hurt and worry. As Dr. Diamond states in this blog entry, men are not supposed to show pain, so it manifests itself outwardly as anger or outrage. Thu, 8 Apr 2010 16:41:06 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/from-irritable-male-to-runaway-husband/#IDComment66615620 http://goodmenfoundation.org/blog/2010/04/going-back/#IDComment66389465 You painted some powerful emotions on those pages. I felt some similar things in visiting old haunts in Buffalo when I went to bury my mother in September twelve years ago. Either the city had changed or I was looking at old places with a new perspective. Maybe I had changed more than I realized. And, the question does beg an answer, can anyone ever really go back? I think the leaves were always in disarray. We just hadn't seen them that way before. Wed, 7 Apr 2010 13:30:06 +0000 http://goodmenfoundation.org/blog/2010/04/going-back/#IDComment66389465 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/from-the-spsmm-men%e2%80%99s-role-in-violence-prevention/#IDComment66228028 During college, I lived in off-campus housing. One of my housemates came home one night fairly inebriated with a girl who, to put it bluntly, was so drunk she could barely stand and I doubt she was aware of her surroundings. Although he didn't say so, he was obviously going to attempt intercourse whether or not she was agreeable. Another housemate and I looked at one another and without speaking, went to intervene. He engaged our housemate in the kitchen while I went to his room to see if the girl was alright. I rolled her onto her side and went back downstairs to the kitchen. We finally, after trying to reason with him, had to be straight forward and told him that we weren't going to allow him to keep the girl in his room. If a woman is so drunk that she doesn't know what's going on and therefore not able to decide yes or no, the answer is no. We woke up one of our female housemates with our somewhat loud discussion and she graciously offered to let the girl sleep in her bed. Problem solved. When our hung-over housemate finally emerged from his bedroom, he actually thanked us for intervening. Tue, 6 Apr 2010 15:20:56 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/from-the-spsmm-men%e2%80%99s-role-in-violence-prevention/#IDComment66228028 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-comedian-erik-rivera/#IDComment66067861 Thanks Erik. Your comment about mistakes hit home. The mistakes I regret will not be the last mistakes I make unless I die today. We should embrace our mistakes as learning experiences and carry on. Mon, 5 Apr 2010 16:24:40 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/man-to-man-with-comedian-erik-rivera/#IDComment66067861 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/giving-faith-a-shot/#IDComment66066694 Very inspriational. While I can see this blog entry as being a story of overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds, I do not subscribe to predetermination and predestination, so a bit of it was lost on me. For me, Mr. Oberman's comment, "We cannot always control the circumstances surrounding our existence, we can however, always choose how to react." I would also add that we can always choose to be as prepared as we can for as much as we can and this is, at least for me, the moral of Mr. Sullivan's story. He had a plan B and carried it out with clarity of mind. Mon, 5 Apr 2010 16:13:39 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/giving-faith-a-shot/#IDComment66066694 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/is-batman-good-or-evil/#IDComment66035158 I had a five-year-old nephew that wore a red towel with a Superman logo like a cape every day for quite a long time. He would tell people that the cape had appeared in a box on the front porch and was apparently sent from Krypton. He had a Superman t-shirt that he'd wear to school and carried a Superman lunchbox. He would zoom around at every family gathering saving the guests and his pet cat from all sorts of natural disasters, train wrecks and plane crashes caused by his arch-nemesis. Then, one day, he traded his cape for a hockey stick and jersey. I didn't see it as unhealthy especially since, as you said, there are other less desirable ideals which he could have latched onto. Mon, 5 Apr 2010 12:06:12 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/is-batman-good-or-evil/#IDComment66035158 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/it%e2%80%99s-a-matter-of-respect/#IDComment65558992 Good comments, Alan. I remember my first pager (yes, I'm giving my age away) and that I'd turn it off when not on duty so that I wouldn't be inundated with endless requests for my attention during the day. Now that I carry a PDA style cell, I can feel that same leash tugging at me. More and more often, I keep it in vibrate mode in a pocket of my backpack so I don't have the incessant distraction. I'm often amused when people get upset if I don't call them back within a few minutes when all they wanted was to chat about weekend plans. From now on when my son or my soon to be born daughter wants my attention, I too will remember Dr. O's post and mute the radio / turn off the computer screen / put down the cell / put a book mark in the magazine and give them my full attention. It is not only about respect. It is also about maintaining relationships. Regards, Randy Fri, 2 Apr 2010 14:34:56 +0000 http://www.goodmenproject.org/blog/2010/04/it%e2%80%99s-a-matter-of-respect/#IDComment65558992