Actually I am really interested in this inquiry and reporting what I have found, especially what brings compassion in my experience. Please send me your articles about this subject as I would love to know more, especially from a man's perspective. I imagine that you, like me, have spent 20 or more year contemplating it and probably have so much to offer.
My email address is kristinluce@mac.com. I would really love to read your work and this site could benefit from your insight as well.
A male friend for whom I have great respect said this, and I wanted to share it:
"Thank you for your offering in the form of this writing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. This subject is extremely important to me. I feel tender because I feel seen. I cried reading this. I'm still crying. Your acknowledgement struct a chord in me that I don't yet entirely understand fully. Perhaps it is preverbal. I feel permission not to have the words to describe my experience. I also feel your deep love and care for men in this piece."
I also wanted to comment on your point about using the word "feral." I considered that for some time before I included it in the article. The definition is: "In a wild state, esp. after escape from captivity or domestication." Although it can have negative connotations, it also describes aptly what I am pointing to. I don't see "wildness" as bad.
Thank you, and this makes perfect sense to me. I am not a researcher and I mostly write from a place of contemplation and personal experience. That obviously does not make anything I say factually correct. I am looking up the research that was quoted to me now, as several people have asked about it. I had no intention, and utterly apologize, if it sounded like I was comparing men to being "dogs" in the worst sense of that words (as you say, like comparing people of color to monkeys—that is horrifying to me). My point was much more innocent, though maybe not well articulated. I just literally knew a boy who was mauled by dogs and something struck a chord in me about that. That said, my article wasn't about judgment, but rather an honest attempt to understand how people experience themselves and how suffering works. I have actually had the great good fortune to know men I deeply respect and have added to my inquiry into what it is like for each other in our given culture. My inquiry is about finding understanding and compassion, and I fully admit that I may have missed that mark so I love that you and others will fill in more with your own perspective and experience!
We often think that denying sexuality makes sex and unintended pregnancy less likely, but that is not the case. I don't forbid my kids to have love interests or sex, nor could I—the most I could do is to scare them into hiding it, which I wouldn't want to do. Most of us have had *lots* of sex in our lives without getting pregnant because we do so responsibly and as informed people. That is the freedom I want my children to have as well. The odds that someone raised as I describe in my article would become pregnant is far less than the likelihood of someone forbidden to do it. They are informed and empowered and have no interest in getting pregnant as teenagers.
That is a wonderful story, especially coming from a priest! Thank you for sharing it and I couldn't agree more!
Yes, I admit that I am just shallow and looking for sex and someone to tend to mundane tasks. Truth be told, that particular relationship yielded this penultimate gift: take the clothes out of the dryer quickly and fold them before they wrinkle. That was a wonderful take-away. Thank you for you condescending and presumptuous estimation of what is truly missing for me. You may have missed the humor and sarcasm of the original post, but only you would know that. Travel light, young lad!
Beautiful honesty. Thank you! Feel free to contact me if you think it might be of help. I work with this so often, which is what prompted my article.
www.kristinluce.com or kristinluce@mac.com. Blessings!
Oh my, yes! I am with you on this one!
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