Thanks, Essin' Em. That ball of power is what helps me to get up in the morning. It's what motivates me to find my voice again and again, even when I'm in tears, or hesitant. It's that claiming of survivorship that has gotten me this far, and it's people like you who have changed my life forever, and make it more beautiful by the day.

You humble me. And you leave me shivering in a state of newfound vulnerability. Speechless and overflowing with words all at once. Thank you, Joshua Aaron Levy, for speaking such truth into the depths of my Heart. Thank you for reminding me, when I am so often the one that tries so hard to remind others. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.

Thanks, Karen! You're my 100th comment! I'm so glad you've enjoyed this piece. Comments are a huge part of my fuel and encouragement to keep writing.

Thank you for your comment, Gabriel Gadfly. And for the Peace. And for having the courage to post both here. It means a whole hell of a lot to me. I don't know where the slope is, but I know that it can be slippery.

I haven't personally experienced that kind of outwardly directed violent-rage. Most of my anger has been (appropriately or inappropriately) directly at myself after these traumatic experiences and I've dwelt long in the realms of guilt and regret.

Survivorship is a strange thing. But I feel like I'm growing up. And I feel like I'm learning some very powerful lessons on how valuable it is to actually give voice to experience and to write directly to those who have perpetrated. Maybe I'm not only becoming a writer and a survivor, but I'm also blossoming into a woman and a full-bodied, full-blooded human, aged like a fine wine. Who would've imagined?

Blessings.

Thank you, dear, sweet Button. I appreciate your presence with me, here, now, more than you know.
My recent post April is Rape Awareness Month.

Yes, AE. He mentioned you. I am sorry to see that your maturity has not seemed to increase by even a single iota. I was not trying to start a flame-war. I was simply trying to raise awareness (my own and yours and the world's) about that which is devastating and hurtful and tragic. April is Rape Awareness Month. Survivors need to know that there are safe-space forums where they can give breath to their feelings and find support in return.

I don't lie. Maybe my mind misplaced a single detail in the traumatic aftermath. Maybe you didn't have me literally gagged at that moment---was that just the part when you took my words away and told me to bark like a dog? Was that it, AE?

And yes, you did recommend someone to me. We had a fairly long conversation about him after you raped me.

I'm not out of my mind. I'm not delusional. I'm not a STUPID cunt, thankyouverymuch. And last I checked, it's not illegal to be traumatized and be walking around with PTSD. It's also not illegal in the state where I reside to own a few sex toys for recreational or therapeutic purposes. For the record, I legally purchased my gag to help myself in the therapeutic recovery from the brutal assault at knifepoint that I experienced after you raped me, AE. (And in case it wasn't obvious, you don't get to know all the little details of my life. Consider that a gift.)

To be clear, it is, however, illegal to prey on the innocent, to be a perpetrator, AE. You are a rapist. You belong behind bars.

from AE: "He mentioned me? You are a lying and STUPID cunt...and obviously confused.(I don't own a gag, but you do, remember) I never referred ANYONE to you, are you out of your fucking mind or just Delusional. How dare you? Don't ever contact me again."

Thank you for allowing yourself to be touched by the thoughts and dreams of a writer's soul.

Mmmmm. Just so. Such a lovely thought that we writers strive toward with every ounce of our being... I appreciate the feedback. Truly.

Belonging to... belonging with... I get it. I am it. Cleansing water all over me, rebirthing me in an instant, facades falling away, radiant core emerging to SHINE to give to breathe me.