I am glad I read your post. I am 33 and have have not found "it" yet. When I was a teenager I felt the same way you did. I tried praying all the time and never got an answer. I decided when I was 16 that I did not believe in God. I did not tell any of my family. I did tell some of my friends and that is when I felt free. I was free of all the strings attached to religion. Don't do this don't do that or you will go to HELL. I was a follower I ended up going back to church when I was 22 and pregnant because that is what my very religious mom, grandparents, and 2 sisters thought I should do. At 33 and married to a wonderful Atheist with 2 girls you have encouraged me to be honest with myself and my family. I am not who they want me to be. I am not who they thought I was. But if they love me they will accept me for who I am. Thank you for posting your story. I am looking forward to my future of being free from religion and worry that I am not doing the right thing.