Sophie,

Men have a hard enough time admitting that this is an issue for the to other guys, much less women, MUCH LESS their wives! I am not at all surprised to hear how that episode turned out. Being a man, and knowing where he's coming from, I would have given you those exact same excuses.

It's going to first take him admitting that he has a problem before anything else happens. Secondly, as I mentioned before, (even though I know I wrote a lot) he needs to find GODLY men to be open, honest, and transparent with. I struggled with porn for about 13 years and it wasn't until the 10th year that I honestly admitted to someone that I even looked at it! That admission by itself is a huge step.

I'm sure he's quite embarrassed and ashamed at his actions. Right now, you need to reaffirm your love and adoration of him ESPECIALLY since you've brought it to the light. He knows you're right, but he does NOT want to admit it. He needs to know, from you, that you don't love him any less because of his addiction. I KNOW that's hard to do, but if he's anything like me, part of the reason porn is so attractive is because it's comforting. The women can't talk back to you or argue or condemn you for any reason. When he looks at them, the cares of the world seem so small in comparison to how good it makes him feel.

Every time you chose to bring it up, he will feel as if you condemn him as a person and he will feel like you don't love him. Please just be there to love and support him. More than anything PRAY for your husband. I'm living proof that God can bring someone out of the situation and I know other men who have the same testimony. It IS POSSIBLE to overcome. You need to know that.

I'm praying for you guys & I can't WAIT to hear the testimony... but remember the TEST comes before the testimony!

I've struggled with this very thing. I was addicted to porn for over 10 years AND a Christian for the latter 6 of those 10 years. It happens to scores more Christian men then we'd even care to admit. Studies have shown that 53 percent of Promise Keepers attendees viewed porn within a week before the event and over 50 percent of evangelical pastors said they had viewed porn within the last year. I'm not go much further into it here, but addiction to pornography is running rampant in churches across America & no one wants to stop it.

I say that to help you understand that this is not a unique challenge you face. There are other women with husbands dealing with the same thing you are. What does that mean? There are plenty of resources available (listed at the bottom)

You also need to know this: I know this may seem strange, but the fact that he looks at porn does NOT mean he doesn't love or care about you. It is not your fault that he looks at it. But you need to look at it like this: He doesn't just look at it. It's an addiction. Just as bad as alcohol or drugs, pornography is an addiction. It should be treated as such. To give it any less credit is to play with fire!

He has to want to overcome this addiction for himself and for no one else. If he doesn't do it for him, he's only faking it and the addiction will come back stronger and harder. I have no doubt that he loves you and would not want to do anything that would hurt you. The problem with his addiction is that he doesn't see it as hurting you. Men view porn and we think of it as something that effects only us because we are the ones watching it. That couldn't be further from the truth.

I think you need to strategically place some men around him that can call him into accountability. Because you have never faced this issue yourself (especially in the way he has) chances are good that most things you'd say would fall on deaf ears. He needs to hear from some Godly men that have won the battle with pornography.

Don't stop loving him. If anything, love him more passionately than you ever have before. I think this is incredibly hard because you don't FEEL like loving him because of your feelings of betrayal. Remember this: we cannot rely solely on our feelings to guide us. We must rely on God's Word to guides otherwise we'll be blown around like tumbleweed every time something dramatic happens.

Most importantly PRAY for your man! Pray that God would speak to his heart and reveal how his addiction is hurting himself, but most of all, how it hurts others. Pray for those Godly men to come around him and support him as he battle through this. I will not be won overnight. It is a battle, but the good news is, the WAR has been won!

I'll be praying for you and your husband. I know this is not an easy thing to deal with, but by God's grace, all things are possible!

Here are some resources for YOU, as the wife: Book - Every Heart Restored - by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey
Website - XXXchuch.com
Book - Life's Healing Choices - John Baker - good for everyone to read, but especially enlightening for those struggling with addictions.

I think one of the big mistakes churches make it trying to attract everyone to their church. There is a reason that there are thousands upon thousands of churches in Atlanta alone. Each church has it's own DNA and their own "target demographic."

WHY someone would send an email criticizing you when they're not who you want is beyond me. Some people just love to condemn and put down.

The fact that what you're doing is not only attractive to unchurched people, but that they can admit it too, is incredible! That's exactly what the church SHOULD be like. People should be getting saved every week. They should be inviting their friends that don't like "church" but the reality is, we tend to ge too comfortable with the status quo. I'm glad to see you guys breaking that trend! Keep doing what you do!

You attract who you are. Not who you wish, who you want to be, or who you think you should. You attract who you are. If your family is diverse, people who have those same values will be attracted to you and to the church. If that's something you place a value on, the people, who value it like you do, will come.

Diversity in the church is one of the few things I don't think you can have a "strategy" for. I believe you can be intentional about appealing to different audiences, sure, but there's no clear cut way to make them enjoy it or stay. I also think you can take making diversity a priority too far by making sure everyone is included. You have to find your church's identity and be true to that.

I will say that I believe a church pastored by a minority leader is more likely to be diverse than one that's lead by a white pastor. Not that it can't be the other way, but I think by and large, you'll find that the more diverse churches in the US are lead by minority pastors.

I think you guys are on the right track with this. Diversity doesn't happen overnight. If it's something God has for you, it'll come naturally.

Here are a few songs off my workout mix that always get me crunk:

- DJ Unk - Walk It Out Remix - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ8Q7pPdH-o
- Canton Jones - The Professional - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfycZ1vpbs
- Canton Jones - The Password - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TssgJ6J_ZaI
- Deitrick Haddon (feat Mary Mary, Ruben Studdard) - Love Him Like I Do - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J26y3HpNn-8
- LL Cool J - Headsprung - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTlPBx7s1L8
- Get Like Me - David Banner, Chris Brown & Yung Joc - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl3rucU4gzM
- Kanye West - Stronger - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jzSh_MLNcY
- ZikLag Boys - Holy Ghost Party - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdcmZDorUuY

Enjoy!

I just started school, so pray that God gives me the wisdom & knowledge to retain the information & excel in my studies. I also need to find a job soon, because my finances are at the end of themselves. Pray that I would find a new apartment before the year's end so I can be closer to school. Pray that the Lord would just lead me and guide me and that I would allow him to over this next season of life.

That's a legit rant! I see those dudes (and I know the one you're talking about) on TV all the time & it's just so sad to see the platform God has given them go to seemingly selfish gain and profit. I'm just glad to know that each person will be judged by God according to what they've done with what he's given them. Knowing that one day they'll give an account to God for those entrusted to his care makes me feel better. A LOT better!

The first ones that came to mind...

Fast Songs:
Salvation & Glory/Blessed Medley (Fred Hammond)
Lion of Judah (Eddie James)
Jesus be a Fence (Fred Hammond)

Slow Songs:
More More More (Joann Rosario)
I Am (Eddie James)
You are the Lord my King (Mark St John Carson)
Holy is the Lord(Destiny Praise)

Pages of Life: Chapters 1 & 2 by Fred Hammond

Live from Another Level by Israel Houghton and New Breed

2 ABSOLUTELY incredible projects that I can STILL listen to all the way through on any given day! Great praise and intense worship on both, but between the 2 I'd have to take Fred Hammond, but it's really close!

We did this song on Easter Sunday and I WISH I had the video to post! But I LOVE this song and those kids are hilarious talking about "This piano ain't no action babey!" That's classic! Reminds me of a few weeks ago when one of the youth leading our youth praise team said "It's Jesus Christ BABY!"